Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
