we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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