Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
