May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
