why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
