i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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