Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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