Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
