can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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