Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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