I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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