she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
