he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
