Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
