508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
