Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
