I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
