Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
