she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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