No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
