I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
