No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
