i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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