Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
