im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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