Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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