in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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