I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
