i may or may not be watching the land before time
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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