You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
