I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
