I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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