Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My ass is underappreciated
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
