My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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