is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
