the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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