Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
