8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Randomize
