Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
