she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
