My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
