why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
