What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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