He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
