I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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