im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
