I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
