I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
