I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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