Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
