Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
