the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
