I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
